You’re about to go onstage to deliver the talk of your life. The one that will change everything – if only you don’t screw it up. Suddenly, your heart rate skyrockets. Your whole body starts shaking and you worry you’re gonna forget your entire talk. You imagine walking onto the stage, freezing in fear, and being dragged off in humiliation. You’ve got to find a way to turn fear into confidence, and fast!

Fear is a natural part of life. And while it served humans well when we had to constantly avoid being eaten by a sabertooth, most fear today is more paralyzing than helpful. Actually, most things we fear never, ever come true. Instead we get caught up in all these “What ifs” that never happen. This worry wastes our time and robs us of our joy. In fact, it’s been said that FEAR = “False Expectations Appearing Real.”

Gavin de Becker, in The Gift of Fear, states that “True fear is a survival signal that sounds only in the presence of danger, yet unwarranted fear has assumed a power over us that it holds over no other creature on earth.” Clearly, we need to learn to manage our fear. In fact, one question my clients ask me most often is how to turn fear into confidence. We’ll, I’ll tell ya.

A case of unfounded fear

I attended a retreat with my business coach this weekend. We stayed in a beautiful cabin in McCall, Idaho, 2 1/2 hours outside of Boise. Whenever I can drive to events like this, I pack up my family and take them with me. My kids and hubby get a little mini vacation while I’m working, and I get some extra time with them on my “off” hours. Plus, my husband drives everywhere, which I just love. But I had to fly to this event, so it was a solo adventure.

Well, the drive from Boise to McCall was a mountainous, twisty road through the Payette National Forest. I’m talking a narrow, 2-lane highway with crazy switchbacks, and areas with no shoulder or guardrail, and a 15 foot drop into the raging, churning whitewater of the Payette River, a mere two feet from my lane. The type of road you can only navigate with chains when it snows. The type of road with runaway truck ramps every mile or so.

Now, mind you, I’ve lived in the flat Phoenix Valley for almost 20 years. Even growing up on the East Coast, almost all of my driving was on relatively flat terrain. And, like I said, my husband does 90% of the driving when we’re together. So normally he’d tackle this road while I relaxed in the passenger seat with a book.

Well, my tension mounted as the switchbacks continued before me. My hands gripped the steering wheel. My neck ached from the strain. I even got a freakin’ foot cramp at one point! Every few minutes, I envisioned careening off the side of the road into the roiling whitewater, totalling the rental car, then drowning or freezing to death in the frigid river.

Turn fear into confidence in one step

Then something changed inside me. I laughed at my crazy disaster-scenario thinking, and I made a decision that I didn’t want to be afraid. Like the Little Engine That Could, I reminded myself that I could do this. But more than simply recite empty affirmations, I utilized one of the tools I teach my clients to turn fear into confidence: Access your Personal Success Library. I reminded myself that I’m a competent person. Then I started listing some of the times I’d faced new or difficult situations and come out standing. As I did this, I knew very clearly that I’d done it before, and I would do it again.

Suddenly, in one of those moments where reality very clearly reflects your thoughts, I crested a ridge and the trees parted. Ahead of me, I saw these beautiful snow-capped mountains. In that instant, I let out the breath I’d been unconsciously holding. My shoulders relaxed. And I remembered to savor the moment.

From that point on, I was no longer fearful, but confident. I actually enjoyed the drive. My Disaster Thinking turned into Possibilty Thinking. “What’s the river gonna look like around the next bend?” “Will I see any wildlife?” As I felt the centrifugal force as I rounded the S-curves, the same sensation that frightened me just moments before was now exhilarating. A red Camaro passed by going the opposite direction, and I imagined what fun it’d be to hug those curves in a zippy little sports car. I stopped in a few pull-out spots to take some pictures for my daughter.

Same road. Different outlook. I was able to turn fear into confidence with one single decision. By remembering experiences from my own Personal Success Library, I tackled this challenge and added one more accomplishment to that inventory.

Change the meaning of FEAR

Like the speaker about to go on stage yet frozen in fear, my disaster thinking on the road to McCall was totally unfounded – “False Expectations Appearing Real.”

No doubt, you face many similar situations. When that happens, you can turn fear into confidence by changing your mindset of fear into a signal to “Face Everything And Rejoice.” Rejoice that you’re challenging yourself. Rejoice that you have an opportunity for growth. Then access your Personal Success Library and recall moments where you triumphed over challenges.

You don’t have to wait for the clouds to part and a sunbeam from heaven fall down on you to shift your thinking. It happens with a decision. You decide what to think about – whether to focus on your past or your future, your limitations or your freedom, the hard times or the possibilities. You decide. One decision. It’s up to you. Which do you choose?

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