Tony Robbins has been criticized in the past for his confrontational and questionably-helpful tactics, especially when it comes to trauma. In particular, he comes under fire for pushing people into radical action when he knows pathetically little about the person or their situation. But after comments he made at this weekend’s Unleash the Power Within event in San Diego, he’s taking heat for a whole new reason. In light of Tony Robbins #metoo movement criticisms, some people say he went too far. Given the theme of the event, I’d say he was a total hypocrite.
(Warning: this event has me pretty riled up.)
Basically, on day one of his conference, Tony cited the #metoo movement as a negative example of people trying to gain significance by staying in victimhood. Um… no. Not on the whole, anyway.
One brave woman, Nanine McCool, confronted him about his comments, telling him that he mischaracterized the movement. Tony Robbins tried to backtrack (well, sort of), but mostly doubled down on his opinion. You can see a video of the exchange here.
For a guy so dedicated to helping people Unleash the Power Within, he of all people should recognize the #metoo movement for what it is – a chance for women to take back their power, sometimes for the first time in their lives. A way for women to break the silence and release the shame by providing a supportive atmosphere of other women who understand the pain and trauma of what they went through.
Tony Robbins said he was trying to make the point that anything can be used for good or harm. And that’s true. Water can give life to a man in the desert or drown a man in the middle of the ocean. I’ve even talked about how and when telling your trauma story can keep you stuck if you’re determined to remain a victim.
Sure, some women get stuck in their victim stories. That happens with people who’ve experienced not just sexual assault, but bankruptcy, divorce, anything.
But, come on, Tony. Do you really think that describes the vast majority of women in the #metoo movement?
People in glass houses, my ass!
Frankly, I found Tony Robbins #metoo comments appalling, and his treatment of Nanine McCool equally disgusting.
First of all, Tony hardly lets the woman speak, constantly cutting her off and talking over her. And he has the gall to say, regarding the #metoo movement, that “You shouldn’t throw that stone if you live in a f**king glass house.” REALLY?!?!
So women should just continue to stay silent and live in the blame and shame and lack of power that comes with that silence? We should let CRIME go unaddressed? Unpunished? We should NOT try and prevent these horrific, soul-sucking acts from happening to someone else? Because we’re not freaking perfect?!?!
Give me an everloving break!
Women are told almost from the day they’re born to not rock the boat. Now Tony Robbins, the king of personal power, is saying that, too. How, pray tell, does that unleash a woman’s power? Let’s be clear – staying silent kills our power. Being the nice girl because we’re too afraid to hurt someone’s feelings – or (gasp!) wreck a pervert’s career – kills our power.
Then he pushed her
Tony then pushed this woman across the auditorium, without any warning or pretext, let alone consent. She laughs nervously (don’t we all want to save face in public) while he mocks her for pushing back. “I told her to stop pushing. Why is she still pushing?”
What, so she’s just supposed to shut up and take it? Is this how Tony Robbins feels about women who’ve experienced abuse? That they’re not supposed to resist when someone is physically and verbally intimidating them? When someone is clearly and intentional overpowering them? (Looking straight at you, Tony!)
His explanation of that “exercise” is equally telling. He says, “When you push someone else, it doesn’t make you more safe. It just makes them angry.”
OK, two points. First of all, in the context of Tony Robbins #metoo comments, this explanation basically means that women shouldn’t resist – they shouldn’t speak up – because it doesn’t make them safe, it just angers the offender. WHAT?!?!?! Too many of us stayed silent for far too long because of these exact threats and fears. Such silence enables the offender and perpetuates abuse. We’re done with that crap.
Secondly, Tony was the one pushing. Nanine was simply trying not to get knocked over by his obvious physical overpowering. She wasn’t pushing. She was defending.
Tony ultimately turns his back on the woman and addresses the crowd. He tells them that they must choose their path, otherwise the culture will choose it for them.
How does he not see that the #metoo movement is precisely that – women choosing the path to break the silence that allows sexual assault to be so prevalent. Women trying to change the culture so the culture doesn’t define and defeat them.
Tony Robbins #metoo comments are hypocritical and harmful
For a guy so dedicated to helping people Unleash the Power Within, Tony Robbins #metoo comments fail to recognize the movement for what it is – a chance for women to take back their power, sometimes for the first time in their lives. A way for women to break the silence and release the shame by providing a supportive atmosphere of other women who understand the pain and trauma of what they went through.
At an event called Unleash the Power Within, you’re really gonna diss a movement that’s given many women a voice and a sense of power for the first time? Such statements are hypocritical and ridiculous at best, harmful and destructive at worst.
Trauma itself takes away a person’s sense of power. Telling your trauma story is an important first step in healing. He should know that.
And I’d suggest that one possible reason some women get stuck – if he’d open his mind to it – is that women don’t have enough resources to safely and fully heal their trauma.
We live in a culture where women who make rape and sexual assault allegations are raked over the coals for everything from their drinking habits to the length of their skirts – as if that justifies a man raping her. Her entire sexual history is exposed as defense lawyers call into question her character, her motives, and even her credibility – as if once consented, always consented, even if that consent was with an entirely different person. Women are blamed, shamed, and accused of making life more difficult for men. (Yup, Tony Robbins #metoo movement comments included that accusation, too – you’ve gotta watch the video.)
Case in point, Taylor Swift
When Taylor Swift won her $1 sexual harassment lawsuit against radio disc jockey David Mueller, she was deemed credible because she was already rich and famous. In other words, she won the lawsuit, in part, because didn’t have a motive to lie. Here’s the other side of that coin: if she wasn’t rich and famous, would she have lost – despite the evidence – because of a theoretical motive?
It’s no wonder more women don’t speak up, or that it takes them decades to do so. (By the way, Tony, Taylor Swift is hardly remaining a victim. Rather, she’s giving a voice to many other women who otherwise wouldn’t have one. Just like countless other women in the #metoo movement.)
When we do speak up, we’re so often told to “get over it.” To “draw a line in the sand” and decide that it won’t affect you anymore – just like Tony Robbins #metoo comments suggested. Or even worse, we’re demonized for ruining a man’s life. (Well what about the life he ruined? Huh?)
Guess what, Tony Robbins? It’s not as easy as simply making a decision. The decision is a crucial part of that process, but it’s not the end-all and be-all of healing. To truly heal, we can’t ignore the problems or sweep them under the rug. We have to acknowledge them – to face them in order to defeat them. Not run away or turn a blind eye.
No amount of pop pyschology or flashy quick-fix techniques can change that truth. The #metoo movement is about many women acknowledging the problem for the first time, and beginning their journey to heal it. Tony Robbins #metoo movement comments insult these brave women with his hypocrisy and callousness.
As a proponent of unleashing the power within each person, Tony Robbins should celebrate the #metoo movement, not criticize it. He, of all people, should recognize when a person starts to unleash the power within themselves. Or does it only count when they do it at his seminars so he can give them a 30-second “fix” and take the credit?
