In Part 1, we talked about the first 2 Bs of the 5B Framework for Restorative Self-Care: Budget and Bandits.
In Part 2, we’ll talk about the final 3 Bs.
Boundaries: Brick Walls vs. Picket Fences
Too often, we find it easier to keep commitments we make to other people, and blow off commitments we make to ourselves. (For more on why boundaries are hard for women, read this.)
Boundaries are about honoring the commitments we make to yourself. Because you are just as important as everyone else in your life. Boundaries are one way you love yourself.
When my client realized how she let her self-care plans go out the window every time her husband wanted to spend family time, she was able to put boundaries in place to prevent that from happening.
Before I explain further, I wanna tell you that not all boundaries are the same. Some are brick walls, and some are picket fences.
Let me ‘splain. Some boundaries are rigid and inflexible. My Wednesday night ballroom dancing date is a brick wall. We never work late. We never double book. Only illness or a serious emergency gets in the way.
Some boundaries are more flexible, like a picket fence, with holes and the ability to make allowances based on the situation. Reading is one of my favorite self-care activities. Generally, I don’t like to be disturbed. But I can read almost any time, any place. So when my normally stand-offish son wants to snuggle and watch Instagram when I’m reading, I’ll finish the chapter and then spend some coveted time with him. That boundary is a picket fence.
My client developed boundaries to protect her Me Time from becoming Them Time all the time. If she’d planned on working or napping, it was a brick wall boundary. If she’d planned to sketch or garden, it was a picket fence boundary.
That way, everyone felt respected. She got to preserve her most precious and important alone time while honoring her husband’s desire to spend time with her. Boundaries for the win!
Read more about the importance of boundaries in self-care: Self-Care Foundations 1: Boundaries.
Baby Steps of Self-Care
When my son’s therapist suggested I do 15-20 acts of self-care every day, I was overwhelmed. I don’t do ANYTHING 15-20x a day except tell my kids to stop yelling. That’s when I came up with the idea of baby steps. Micro breaks that can fit into tiny cracks of time. Everyday acts of self-care.
You may not have time or money for a day at the spa. What CAN you do? Here are some ideas:
- Clear the clutter from your desk.
- Indulge in a sweet treat.
- Lather your skin with a yummy-scented lotion after a shower.
- Text or call a friend.
- Watch a YouTube video about a topic that interests you.
- Walk around the block.
- Finish a task that you’ve been putting off.
- Pray, meditate, or write in a journal.
- Give yourself a Radiant Reminder. (Read this to learn more.)
Make sure you take care of ALL of your needs, not just your physical needs. Read more: Self Care Foundations: Nurture Your Whole Self.
Bank of Ideas
There’s nothing worse than finding a free moment to enjoy yourself, then not knowing WHAT to do. So you scroll Facebook and Pinterest until the window of opportunity closes, and you’ve done nothing to nurture your body, mind, and soul.
Decision fatigue is real. And goodness knows, you make enough decisions before breakfast to last all month. A grab-and-go self-care plan is ready when you are, so you can spend less time thinking about self-care and more time doing it.
Create an idea bank of self-care activities you love. You can sort them by length of time, by cost, by amount of planning required. Whatever makes sense to you. Having a go-to-list takes the guess-work out of self-care while still leaving room for spontaneity and inspiration.
For more about cultivating ideas that work for YOU, read Self-Care Foundations 2: Make it Personal.
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