The Problem With Affirmations

You know the power of speaking positively to your kids. Noticing the good. Building them up for their strengths, their character traits, and the vision you see for their lives.

But how do you do with your own self-talk?

Chances are, if you're like most women I talk to, your self-talk could use a makeover.

Many of us are taught to use affirmations as a form of positive self-talk.

But there's a big problem with affirmations the way many people use them: they often backfire, making you feel worse instead of better. (Read this article to learn more.)

That's because they're often rooted in fantasy more than faith.

It's like we're gaslighting ourselves, making declarations that we don't really believe, but hope to be true one day.

Then we spend lots of energy trying to believe it.

Meanwhile, our inner B.S. meter keeps saying, "You're a liar. You're a fraud."

When I first learned about affirmations the traditional way, I came up with this one: "I'm feeling alive at 125!"

The problem was, I hadn't been 125 lbs in a LONG time, and I knew it.

No amount of repetition could change that, but it did make me feel like a liar.

Almost like I was trying to bully myself into believing the statement, then beating myself up when it still felt like a lie.

If your affirmations feel heavy, false, or gaslighty, there's a better way!

The Radiant Reminders Framework

When so many of my clients expressed their frustration with affirmations, I came up with the concept of Radiant Reminders - a kinder, more gentle (and TRUER) version of traditional affirmations.

Radiant Reminders are different (and for many women, much more powerful) than traditional affirmations because they are rooted in truth.

There is a recognizable kernel of truth to them, even when there's room to grow into a bigger vision of that truth.

Rather than feeling heavy and burdensome, like you're really trying hard to believe them, Radiant Reminders feel GREAT!

Genuine. Choose statements not because you THINK you should say or believe them, but because they're true for YOU.

Refreshing. They should feel like a breath of fresh air, or rain in the desert. Light, easy, and pleasant.

Expansive. Radiant Reminders speak to your best self, and the vision you have for your life.

Abundant. They call you higher, and leave space for you to step into a bigger version of yourself.

Truthful. Above all, they are rooted in truth or evidence (though not necessarily always or even recent!)

So, for instance, "I make healthy food choices." If you ate an apple last week, that counts! You do make healthy food choices. And you can increase the frequency with which you do so.

When you're reaching for that Snickers bar, you can remind yourself that you make healthy food choices. Then you can choose whether or not to make one at that moment.

Doesn't that feel better than "I happily and eagerly ONLY eat food that's nutritious and supports my health goals."

Think about the difference between these two statements:

"I always keep my temper." vs. "I talk to my children with love and respect."

Which one feels better? Which one feels GREAT?