Managing Anxiety and Fear When Life is Crazy

Welcome to this 3-part series on managing anxiety and fear when life is crazy.

The Coronovirus disrupted life as we know it for virtually every person on the planet. Medical professionals face burnout and risk their own lives every day to save ours. Countless people are out of work as they shelter in place and wait it out. “Social distancing” is now a household phrase. And there is NO toilet paper, anywhere.

Worst yet, there’s no end in sight. We don’t yet know how long the threat will last, how long we’ll be asked to self-quarantine, or how long until life returns to some semblance of normal.

If you’re like most people, you’re probably scared. Anxious. Maybe even depressed.

You’re not alone.

SO many people I talk to feel the same way. Every day, I see friends posting on Facebook about how their anxiety is through the roof, and their regular coping strategies for managing anxiety don’t work. They express anger at the government. Anger at people who refuse to self-isolate. Anger at the hoarders who empty the grocery store shelves.

People are afraid.

So am I.

It comes in waves.

I wasn’t scared at first. In the beginning, I thought the reactions were way over-blown, nothing more than fear-mongering and sensationalist journalism. Why THIS virus at THIS time? Are we going to destroy the economy every time a virus comes along? After all, we don’t shut down everything for the flu…

But as I learned more about the virus, I understood the threat. Even now, I have moments when I wonder if we’ve gone too far. Then I read reports about places like Spain and New York City. I read interviews and letters written by exhausted hospital staff. And I get it. Again.

It comes in waves for me.

Managing Anxiety and Fear: From light to darkness and back again

I’m generally a very positive person, able to see silver linings and make the best of bad situations.

I think about how much we’ll learn from this crisis. For instance, I hope that companies will realize how practical – and beneficial – telecommuting is, and that they’ll allow more of their employees to work from home even after the crisis ends.

I share Facebook posts of all the wonderful things people and companies are doing in the wake of the lockdowns that show hope and goodwill and giving back.

I try to maintain a light of hope in the darkness.

But then, a few nights ago, I tried to place a grocery delivery order, and it took an hour to find enough in-stock items to meet the $30 minimum.

It cried that night. Not because I couldn’t buy pasta. But because I felt the gravity of the situation – again. A situation that goes far beyond disrupted school schedules and restaurant closures. A situation that, many fear, will alter life as we know it forever.

It’s easy to get lost in the gloom.

But we WILL come back stronger. We WILL persevere and innovate and overcome this crisis. Because human beings are amazingly resilient and ingenious.

Sometimes it’s easy to keep a positive long view of things: It’ll be all right in the end.

But how do you cope with the day-to-day, in-the-midst-of-it-all crazy without succumbing to fear, anxiety, or hopelessness?

Strategy #1 for Managing Anxiety and Fear: Feel all the feels.

I client asked me the other day if it was okay to feel scared. She worried that fear meant she wasn’t trusting God. She struggled with authenticity – with being herself and being honest about what she felt – because she judged herself and feared judgment from others.

I told her that, not only is it okay, it’s perfectly normal. Of COURSE she feels fear! It’s a freakin’ scary time right now. We’ve never been through anything like this.

Not only is it okay to feel fear, but it’s okay to feel anger, hope, despair, faith, peace, anxiety, and every other emotion imaginable: all at one time, in alternating moments, and in varying degrees.

Give yourself permission to feel all the feels. All the emotions. Without judgment or guilt of what you “should” or “shouldn’t” feel. Feel them. Acknowledge them.  And deal with them.

Whatever you do, DON’T stuff them!

Have you ever tried to push a beach ball under the water? First of all, it takes a LOT of effort. It’s HARD to do that. Second of all, it never stays down. It bursts back up to the surface, making a big splash and rebounding higher than ever.

Our emotions do the same thing when we stuff them.

So feel all the feels. THEN you can work on feeling more of the good emotions and less of the bad.

Name the feels.

I came across an article a few days ago: That Discomfort You’re Feeling is Grief.

Grief. Yes. Grief for what we’ve lost. Grief over an uncertain future. And grief that things may never be the same again.

I had a lightbulb moment. The heaviness, the inertia I feel. It’s grief. Sometimes just NAMING the feels allows you to feel them more fully.

How are you managing anxiety and fear in the middle of this crazy time? Leave me a comment below.

Read Part 2: Staying Social of Managing Anxiety and Fear When Life is Crazy.

And Part 3: Slow Down