The topic of confidence vs arrogance comes up a lot in my work with people to rediscover their confident, Radiant Self. Women often ask me, “I KNOW I’m really good at
A common fear frequently prompts this question: an underlying, deep-rooted aversion to being seen as boastful or prideful.
We’re taught from a young age to dim our light so others don’t feel uncomfortable around us. We’re taught to minimize our strengths and achievements. In short, we’re taught to hide.
The Nobody Syndrome
In my book, The Self-Worth Solution for Smart Entrepreneurs: Know Your Self-Worth, Grow Your Net Worth, I talk about how women sabotage themselves with these notions. They give in to The Nobody Syndrome.
When we struggle with The Nobody Syndrome, we say things like:
“Oh, [this achievement] was nothing.”
“That [talent] isn’t really a big deal.”
“So many people are better than me.”
Or we say nothing at all, and we let our talents, strengths, and achievements go unknown and under-utilized.
We’re guilted into mediocrity under the threat of not tooting our own horn.
And that doesn’t serve anyone.
The Difference Between Confidence vs Arrogance
So where do you draw the line between confidence vs arrogance?
To be clear, arrogance is based on an over-estimation of your skills and talents. An arrogant person talks the talk but can’t walk the walk (even though they fully believe they can.)
The secret ingredient is having Sober Judgment – o
You are spectacularly brilliant at certain things. And you spectacularly suck at others.
When you have Sober Judgment, you can acknowledge both those extremes – and the entire spectrum of competencies in between – with beating yourself up about them.
Have a self-awareness of your strengths and weaknesses without letting it derail your self-esteem.
The power of Weaknesses
Some weaknesses represent a growth edge for you – things you want to improve on.
For example, I can come off snappy and rude when I don’t mean to. And this tendency needlessly hurts other people. I want to work on it. (And no, I don’t just chalk it up to “being authentic.” Because “being authentic” is never an excuse to be a jerk. But at the same time, I don’t beat myself up about it. When I see it manifest in my life, I acknowledge it, think about how I could do things differently next time, apologize if I need to, and move on.)
Some weaknesses represent an opportunity for outsourcing. I’m not a good housekeeper. Between homeschooling my kiddos, training for ballroom dance competitions, and running my business, I can barely keep up with reminding my kids to pick up their dirty underwear from the living room floor. (Moms, you know what I’m talking about…) I don’t need to “get better” at housekeeping. I just need to hire a house cleaner who can do it better, faster, and more happily than I ever could.
And some weaknesses represent a quirky badge of honor. My parents grew lush gardens of flowers, fruits, and vegetables. Plants of every shape and size filled my childhood home. But the Green Thumb gene took one look at me and ran away laughing. I cannot keep plants alive to save my life. Seriously, I’ve killed three cacti, and I live in the freaking desert.
I probably could get better at it if I read some books or took some gardening classes. I’m competent enough to do that. But why bother? It won’t bring more enjoyment to my life. And it won’t help me make more money or have a bigger impact on the world.
So I own it. I joke about it. My daughter makes fun of me for it, and I join right in. I own that weakness as every bit a part of me as my strengths.
When you own both your strengths and your weaknesses, you live in greater authenticity. You don’t need to hide or pretend to be something you’re not.
Downplaying your strengths does not make you “humble.” Minimizing your achievements does not make you more likeable. Hiding your weaknesses does not make you perfect.
When you own both your strengths and your weaknesses, you walk on the right side of the line between confidence vs arrogance.
So be confident. Own your strengths and your weaknesses. Honor the Full You that you were created to be.
So what now?
Many people say, “Be you, and you’ll be more confident.” But very few people actually show you how to do that. In my work with clients, I show you the how. How to chip away the lies you’ve been taught to believe about yourself. How to stop living as the person you think you ought to be. And how to rediscover the amazing masterpiece you were created to be. If you’re ready to build a solid foundation of confidence based on your unique Personal Identity Blueprint so you have more success and fulfillment in your life and business, then click here to schedule to time to chat about how I can support you in that journey.
