The 5B Framework for Restorative Self-Care – Part 1

What do you think of when you hear the term self-care?

Chances are, it’s some variation of manicures, massages, or bubble baths. Maybe an entire day at the spa, being primped and pampered.

In fact, many women I talk to WANT to include more self-care in their lives, but they think it’s too expensive, time-consuming, or even frivolous. They’re out of creative ideas. Or they do lots of self-care activities, but it doesn’t seem to help their stress levels.

My home life has been… not the greatest the past few years. I won’t go into details here, because it’s not really my story to tell. But there’s been a lot of hostility and rage flying around my home. At times, it feels like WW3 is playing out in my living room.

When my therapist suggested I do 15-20 acts of self-care DAILY to reset after this other person’s angry outbursts, I thought, “Who the heck has the time or money for THAT?!”

I mean, good gravy!

But self-care has become a non-negotiable. And zoning out with Netflix wasn’t cutting it.

For my mental health, my sanity, and my continued ability to care for my family, I had to find another way.

Over time, I mastered the art of quick, inexpensive, everyday acts of self-care that fit into cracks of time or take hardly any time at all.

I also had to find solutions for the common struggles I was having – and that most of my clients have – with making self-care effective, affordable, and fun. From that work, the 5B Framework for Restorative Self-Care was born.

The 5B Framework for Restorative Self-Care

Budget

Why is it that when your kid needs new shoes, or a new soccer uniform, you find the money for it, but you hesitate to buy yourself an $8 coloring book or a $15 scented lotion?

Just like you have a budget for utilities, food, and gas, you need a budget for self-care. Some people call this blow money. You can blow it on whatever you want, and you aren’t accountable to anyone for how or when you spend it. So have fun every month deciding how you’ll spend it.

Along with a financial budget, you also need a TIME budget. SCHEDULE self-care into your week. Maybe it’s every Tuesday while you’re waiting on your daughter to finish dance class. Or right before you go to bed every evening.

Every morning, I drink a cup of coffee out of my favorite mug while sitting in my favorite chair. I may read or pray or scroll Facebook. But it’s my time, and I’ve set expectations that my family respects it. My husband and I have a ballroom dancing date night every Wednesday evening. Everything else that day gets scheduled around it.

Bandits

Bandits are anything that sabotages your self-care time. Maybe the kids get in a fight when you’re trying to read, and you have to go play peacemaker. Or your child tells you they’ve got a science fair project due the next day, so you skip your book club to buy her supplies.

Sometimes bandits can be GOOD things. One of my client’s husbands works out of town a lot. When he’s home, he likes to spend all his time with his family. So when he asks to spend the day at the lake or go hiking, she says yes. Every time. Even when she’d planned to work, draw, nap, or spend some much-needed alone time. Her scheduled Me Time becomes Them Time. Every time.

Obviously, it’s a GOOD thing to spend time with your family. But it still sabotaged her self-care plans. Her need for self-care didn’t go away just because she spent time with her family.

Once she recognized this bandit, she put boundaries in place to handle it, so she could get her own self-care needs met while still meeting her husband’s needs.

Boundaries, by the way, is the third B of the 5B Framework for Restorative Self-Care.

For more on boundaries and the rest of the 5B Framework, read Part 2.

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boundaries – link to other boundaries post

baby steps – link to other s/c foundations posts

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