Yup, you heard me right. Celebrate National Ex Spouse Day. Now, before you tell my I’m completely off my rocker, just hear me out.
April 14th is National Ex Spouse Day. It was created in 1987 by Reverend Ronald Coleman, a recent divorcee of Kansas City, MO.
Honestly, most of us probably want to forget our ex spouse, or do something a little less, um… shall we say, legal? Revenge and torture are words that many women common associate with their exes. But even if your feelings about your ex are more benign than brutal, the last thing you want to do is honor them – especially if the marriage was abusive or otherwise difficult. (And let’s face it: of course it was difficult, or you’d probably still be together.)
For many of the women I coach, divorce is one of those big ugly life events that shapes the way they see themselves. Whether it’s the pain of rejection, the sting of “failure,” or your ex’s hurtful words and actions that stick in your head, divorce changes the way you feel about yourself, usually for the worse.
I call events like this Spiritual Identity Thieves™. Instead of ruining your net worth, Spiritual Identity Thieves™ wreck your self worth.
Now, I don’t exactly suggest that you honor your ex today, like sending him a card and flowers like you give your mom on Mother’s Day. But there are several things you can do for yourself on National Ex Spouse Day to help you heal and move past the hurt, the anger, and even the hatred.
Ways to “Celebrate” National Ex Spouse Day
Recognize the good things that came out of your marriage. If you have kids from that marriage, they’re probably the best thing that resulted from it. That alone is worth celebrating. My ex was an emotionally and verbally abusive man who systematically tore down every shred of self-esteem I ever managed to scrape together for myself. It was five years of emotional torture for me. But, we moved to Arizona, where I developed a very strong support network of friends, found a terrific job as a Physical Therapist, and got significant relief from my daily fiibromyalgia symptoms. Now, I’m hardly what you’d call the adventurous sort. If it wasn’t for that marriage, I probably would’ve stayed in Philadelphia for the rest of my life. Now that I’m in AZ, I wouldn’t return to Philly if you paid me.- Acknowledge the ways you’ve grown. Chances are, you’re stronger, more resilient, more capable of handling things than you once thought. One woman was so terrified of flying, she insisted on driving to their honeymoon three states away. After her divorce, she took her daughters on a dream vacation to Italy – something she’d never have had the guts to do if her divorce hadn’t shown her that she could conquer any fear if she was willing to face it head on.
- Realize that your divorce shaped you, but it doesn’t define you. You are more than your divorce. You are strong. You are enough. You are Worthy By Design™. Your divorce is only part of your story; you still get to write the ending. Be willing to release the past so it can stay where it belongs. In the words of the great, smelly warthog Pumbaa, “You got to put your behind in your past.” So take the good – take the lessons – and leave the rest.
- Focus on the future. Your past is over and done with. You can’t change it, as much as you might like to. But your decisions as of this moment will affect the future. So decide what you want from your life, from this point forward? Then take the actions necessary to make that vision a reality.
Use today as an opportunity to forgive. It’s been said that holding on to bitterness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. It doesn’t affect the other person one bit. All it does is tear you up inside and keep you from moving forward with your life. Forgiveness isn’t for the other person. It’s for you. So today, on National Ex Spouse Day, choose to forgive your ex. It doesn’t mean you excuse his behavior. It doesn’t make it OK. You don’t even need him to acknowledge your forgiveness or offer you forgiveness in return. Forgive him for you.
What’s next?
If you need extra support in moving past your divorce – or any life event that’s hijacked your self-esteem and made you feel unworthy – click here to apply for a Rediscover Radiance™ Strategy Session to talk about how I might be able to support you in your journey to reveal your brilliance and reclaim your worth.
How do you plan to celebrate National Ex Spouse Day? Leave a comment below!
