The 3 Pillars of Self-Worth: Character

In this series of posts, we’re exploring the 3 Pillars of Self-Worth: Competence, Character and Core Values.

If you missed the introductory post, you can find it here.

I have to admit: Two of my favorite shows are Project Runway and America’s Next Top Model. Maybe not Top Model so much since they added the guys; it’s as much about hooking up as it is about modeling now. Anyway, I digress. (Hey! Squirrel!)

I’ve noticed a disturbing trend of over-inflated ego among the contestants, though. It’s great to believe in yourself and all. Heck, my whole business revolves around teaching women to believe in themselves!

But many of the competitors are so hung-up on themselves that they can’t take constructive criticism. This past month, several of them say things like, “Well, I know I’m the best and if they can’t see it, that’s too bad. My stuff is awesome, no matter what they say.”

OK, so there’s believing in yourself and then there’s being delusional. As if Heidi Klum and Tyra Banks don’t know a little more about their industries than an inexperienced 20-year old does.

That’s not Self-Esteem. That’s arrogance.

Self-esteem is built on Character: one of the 3 Pillars of Self-Worth.

Character. You know, things like integrity. Humility. Kindness. Respect. Doing what’s right.

Quite simply, you feel better about yourself when you’re living a life of good character. You’ve heard the phrase, “Bad company corrupts good character.” Well, bad character corrupts good self-esteem.

One of my favorite movie scenes is from the Adam Sandler film “Spanglish.” The main characters’ marriage is on the rocks, and his wife, Deborah decides to have an affair.

One night, when she’s sneaking out to meet the man, her mother confronts her about it. Deborah blames her mother for making her feel terrible about herself – again. Her mother stops her and says, “Right now your low self-esteem is just good common sense.”

You see, she felt bad about herself, and she wanted to blame other people. But at that moment, it was her bad decisions that were contributing to her lack of self-worth.

Clearly, our self-worth often suffers because of things done to us that were beyond our control. I’ve developed entire courses to help women regain their self-worth and identity after such experiences.

But our actions contribute to our self-esteem as well.

Let’s face it: if you do crappy things, you’re gonna feel crappy about yourself.

That’s called a conscience, and it’s a good thing. You can recite affirmations til the cows come home, trying to convince yourself that you’re the best thing to happen to the world since wifi. But if you’re not living a life of character, you’re lying to yourself. And your subconscious knows it.

Solid, unshakable self-esteem is built on living a life of integrity and good character.

It’s built on knowing that you tried your best in the soccer league, not that you got a trophy for simply not quitting half-way through the season.

The idea of character gets kind of lost in our instant-gratification, everything-goes culture. But there’s no avoiding it. Bad character corrupts good self-esteem. And if you want to boost your self-worth, one of the first things you must look at is your character. How are you living your life? Are you living according to your core values? Do you even know what they are?

I’ll explain that more in my next post:  The 3 Pillars of Self-Worth – Core Values.

How have you noticed the relationship between character and self-worth in your life? Leave a comment below and let me know what you think. I read every one of them!